Strawberry Fields Banana Muffins Forever

“You might think that muffins are for women, but you listen to me, motherfucker, muffins are for everybody!” — Coolio, from his cookbook Cookin’ with Coolio.

I made these muffins on Thursday morning, right before I found out that I was laid off from the library.  They were good muffins: the fresh chopped strawberry and banana keep the muffins moist and they are rustic and filling.  Unlike terrible box-mixes for muffins, Coolio actually delivers a recipe that feels classic and homey.  I will probably replace half of the all-purpose flour with whole wheat flour when making these in the future, but that’s only because I’m a whole wheat kind of girl, not because they was anything wrong with the way these muffins tasted.

I have a soft spot for Coolio for the silliest reason.  When I was an undergrad, my college roommate had a dog named Buddy.   When Coolio’s “Fantastic Voyage” was popular and often played on radio and tv, Buddy would jump around on his hind legs and it looked just like he was dancing.  He only really “danced” to this song, it was the damnedest thing.  My roommate and I thought it was so hilarious that we bought a Coolio poster and hung it really low on the wall at dog-eye level and told people that it was Buddy’s favorite musician.  Ah, college.

I'm-Gonna-Slap-You-with-My-Whisk Tomato Bisque

I just had to give the recipes in this book a try to see if Coolio was all gimmick or if the recipes were any good.  Yes, the book is 90% contrived posturing, but the food is good.  Basic, but good. You can view the man himself making these recipes on his web based cooking show.

My husband and I put on a mix of old-school rap the night we made the recipe for I’m-Gonna-Slap-You-with-My-Whisk Tomato Bisque.  The cookbook is fun, so we had fun with it.  There’s nothing wrong with dancing around the kitchen while you whip up a decent meal for dinner.

Coolio says, “Don’t even think about reaching for that damn can!  I will bust your head like Gallagher busts a watermelon.  I’ll be goddamned if I feed that much sodium to my kids or myself.”  Well, at least his heart is in the right place and he’s aware of the nutritional traps of processed foods.  All of the recipes have punny or silly names such as “Karate Meat”, “It’s Stew Beefy”, and “Heavenly Ghettalian Garlic Bread”, though I was a fan of “Cold Shrimpin'”. You will have to figure out how much a “dime bag of salt” is and shop confidently for “big-ass avocados” if you want to cook from this book and stock your “pimptry.”

The Cookin’ With Coolio old-school hip hop music mix (guaranteed to improve the cooking experience):

  • “All I Need” – Method Man
  • “It Was a Good Day” – Ice Cube
  • “Protect Ya Neck” – Wu-Tang Clan
  • “3 Minute Rule” – Beastie Boys
  • “Who Shot Ya” – The Notorious B.I.G.
  • “Gin & Juice” – Snoop Doggy Dogg
  • “Yo Momma” – The Pharcyde
  • “Ital” – The Roots
  • “Brooklyn” – Mos Def
  • “Damn It Feels Good To Be a Gangstah” – Geto Boys
  • “Shimmy Shimmy Ya” – Ol’ Dirty Bastard
  • “Shadowboxin'” – GZA the Genius
  • “La Di Da Di” – Slick Rick & Doug E. Fresh

Cookin’ with Coolio: 5 Stars Meals at a 1 Star Price by Coolio the Ghetto Gourmet.

Verdict: Check it out.

It’s very silly, but it might be the sort of thing that sparks an interest to cook in those who didn’t have it. Remember, “a kitchen pimp fears nothing.”

Oh yeah, that is a combination stove burner and turntable on the cover, your eyes do not deceive you.